The Sensitive Girl’s Guide to the “Let Them” Theory

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably wandered into the self-help aisle at your local bookstore—only to be met with a wall of pastel covers promising inner peace in ten days or less. Most of the time, I roll my eyes. A lot of it feels like money-grabbing nonsense wrapped in vague affirmations and recycled pinterest quotes.

But one theory caught my attention—and stuck.

It was so simple that I almost dismissed it too. But then I realised: I’ve spent years doing the exact opposite of what this theory recommends.

What Is the “Let Them” Theory?

The “Let Them” theory, brought to life by Mel Robbins in her 2024 book, is about releasing the need to control how others behave. The core idea? If people want to leave, flake, gossip, ignore, lash out, or pull away—let them.

It's radical detachment. It’s the art of being deliciously unbothered.

And for someone like me—who used to over analyse every text, every ghosting, every passive-aggressive comment—it was a slap in the face. 

Confessions of a Chronic Chaser

Here’s the truth: I’ve spent a lot of my life letting other people’s actions dictate how I feel about myself.

Rejection, especially, used to gut me. If someone didn’t want me, I saw it as a challenge. I had to prove I was lovable, worthy, “not too much.” Spoiler alert: it never ended well. And it was a huge waste of my time. 

Basically, if a snake bites you, you don’t chase after it begging for an explanation or an apology. You back away and get the hell out of there. But emotionally? I was that girl running after the snake, screaming I didn’t deserve that, why me? (Disclaimer: I just got bitten again). 

Storytime: When He Called Me Crazy

A few years ago, I met a guy I thought was it. You know the type—he had nice teeth, asked good questions, and didn’t wear socks with sandals. I thought the first few dates were dreamy. I’d mentally planned our wedding. Cringe.

Then, silence. Ghosted.

When I texted him to say I’d love to see him again, he responded with:

• “I don’t have time to deal with you right now.”

• “You’re mentally crazy.”

• “You’re delusional to think I was into you.”

  
  

Cue heartbreak and the immediate internal spiral. Had I texted too fast? Talked too much? Should I have played it cooler? 

I obsessed for weeks.

A few months later, I started to see it clearly: I was emotionally raw, romanticising a man who was—let’s be honest—a walking red flag and a sad excuse of a man. It wouldn’t have mattered how chill or mysterious I was. He wasn’t my person. And thank God for that. 

Let Them Ghost You. Let Them Say No.

The “Let Them” mindset doesn’t just apply to romance. It’s helped me reframe so many moments of rejection or disappointment in my life:

• The rental I didn’t get? It led me to a beach shack in Horrocks—and eventually, to London.

• The toxic friend I finally stopped chasing? Her absence made space for the right people.

• The mental breakdown I had when a job didn’t work out? Led me to my passion for writing.

  
  

Each of these “no’s” was just the universe clearing the runway.

Rejection Is Redirection

Life keeps teaching me this: Rejection is Redirection. It still stings when something doesn’t work out. Of course it does, we are only human. It still sucks when people let you down.

But now, I pause and say to myself, “Let them.” Let them walk away. Let them miss out. Let them show you who they are.

It’s not about apathy—it’s about peace. It’s about knowing that you don’t have to twist yourself into emotional origami to make people stay. Maybe—just maybe—you were always enough, exactly as you are. And if there are people who can’t see that, so be it. Make space for people who will love you the way you truly deserve.

So, the next time someone ghosts you, misunderstands you, or calls you “too much” …Immediately text them back and say “then go find less.”

(Kidding)

Smile. And let them.