The Pressure to Have Everything Figured Out by 30… and Why It’s All Bullsh*t

If you’ve ever felt like you're running behind in life because you don’t have it all figured out by 30 (or even 40, 50, or 60), you’re not alone. Spoiler alert: It’s all total bullsh*t. Hear me out.

When you're in school, you’re all on the same level. Sure, you’ve got different classes, hobbies, interests, but essentially everyone’s moving at the same pace. There’s no race. You’re just… living.

But the minute you graduate, it’s like someone starts a stopwatch. You look around, and everyone’s off—some people are getting married and having babies. Some are travelling. Others are buying houses. Everyone’s seemingly figuring it out—and you’re just proud of the fact you managed to cook something that wasn’t pasta and kept your Duolingo streak going for a week.

Then there’s social media, making sure we’re reminded daily that everyone else’s lives are moving faster than ours. They’re filled with engagements, babies, holidays, promotions, new cars (and I’m over here wondering how the f*ck can you afford a new car? If I can top up my TFL with twenty pounds instead of ten, I am absolutely winning).

And then suddenly we start to spiral—Should I be doing that too? Should I have a house by now? Should I be travelling the world? Should I—FUUUUUUCK.

Sound familiar?

Those thoughts are sneaky. They creep in when you’re mindlessly scrolling, or lying in bed at night trying to sleep. They are exhausting and unhelpful. So I did what any anxious overthinker would do: I Googled it. And apparently, 75% of people feel this way. (Which, great. Love to know I’m not alone. Hate that I’m part of the “I feel behind” club). 

The Myth of the “Perfect Timeline”

Society has made us believe that by 30 we should have it all figured out. A stable career, a house, marriage, kids. It’s like there’s this universal life checklist we’re all supposed to be ticking off—and if you haven’t? You must be doing something wrong.

But that timeline? It’s a lie. People are living longer, careers are less linear. It’s not the 1950’s anymore. 

What’s often missed is that no two paths look the same. Some people are thriving in their 30s. Some are just starting. Some are settling down, others are just waking up. Some are burning their old lives down and starting fresh... again.

The Reality of Your 20s: A Time to Experiment 

Your 20s aren’t about having things figured out. They’re about figuring things out. This is the time to explore, take risks, fail, try again, and discover who the hell you actually are.

Think of your 20s like a giant life lab. You mix in different experiences—some work out beautifully, others blow up in your face. Either way, you grow. Growth doesn’t come from ticking boxes. It comes from trying, failing, and trying again.

Biologically, we’re still developing the brain circuits needed for long-term planning and self-understanding in our twenties. Full self-awareness and maturity typically don’t arrive until our late twenties.

Psychiatrist Carl Jung once said, "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." The most fulfilling part of life isn’t about following societal expectations or checking off external milestones. It’s about discovering and embracing your true self—the person you are at your core. Jung believed that life is a journey of self-discovery, one that unfolds over time.

There’s No Expiry Date on Success

Who decided that success has to come early? Because spoiler: it doesn’t always.

Some of the most successful people started late. Like—

• Anna Mary Robertson Moses, aka Grandma Moses, started painting at 78. She earned millions and is still celebrated 60 years after her passing.

  
  

• Allan Stewart completed his law degree at 91, after a full career in dentistry. He said, "It is never too late to expand your mind, make new friends and challenge yourself."

  
  

• Colonel Sanders didn’t start KFC until he was 65—before that, he was broke.

  
  

• Harry Bernstein published his first book at 96. He said, “My 90s were the most productive years of my life.”

  
  

If they can do it, so can we.

You’re never too old. It’s never too late. Reinvention is part of being human.

Feeling “Behind” Is Wrecking Our Mental Health

Feeling “behind” can lead to anxiety, depression and burnout. We all know the sting of scrolling through Insta and seeing everyone else living their “best lives”—weddings, babies, overseas holidays—while you’re just trying to figure out what’s for lunch.

Because what we’re really looking at is a highlight reel.

Nobody posts the sleepless nights, the panic attacks, the acne, the late rent payments, the screaming arguments with their partner, the fact they’re quietly questioning if they even want the life they’ve built. They just post the photo of the engagement ring with the caption “He did good 💍❤️.”

The amount of times we choose specific photos to post which capture exactly what we want other people to see. If you’re anything like me, you have six versions of the same photo, and carefully choose the one where you feel like you look the least frumpy, on an angle that doesn’t show your acne and where your eyes are actually open. And even then, I usually throw on another filter, because god forbid I look like a real human being who has lines, bumps and curves. 

We start to measure our self-worth against strangers on the internet. And the pressure mounts.

But just remember—you’re not failing by having a completely different timeline to other people your age. You’re just on your own timeline. Your life is yours to shape, not a race to win. And if you are happy? Fulfilled? Then I say f*ck the timeline altogether. Life is way too short to be shaping your life for the benefit of what you think others or society wants from you.

So, How Do We Let Go of the Pressure?

Here’s what I’ve been learning (and re-learning, and forgetting, and learning again):

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Especially people on the internet. You’re seeing the best 1% of their lives. That’s not the whole story. It never is.

2. Define success for yourself. What actually matters to you? Travel? Community? Creativity? Slow mornings? A garden? Don’t chase someone else’s dream. Chase your own. It’s not the expensive wedding you’ll miss. It’s the adventures you didn’t take because you thought you had to follow the script.

3. Celebrate the small stuff. Set a boundary? Hell yeah. Made it to your workout? Go you. Survived a tough week? That sh*t counts. Life isn’t made of big moments—it’s made of tiny, meaningful ones.

I’m a big believer in the quiet joys: Morning coffee. A walk in the sun. A good chat. Because if those were taken from you tomorrow, you’d realise they were the big things all along. As Ed Sheeran says: “Fame is nothing if you’ve got no one left to share it with.”

4. Remember: life isn’t a checklist. Start that new hobby. Quit that job. Go back to uni. Move cities. Travel solo. Reinvent yourself at 28 or 48 or 78. There’s no rulebook.

And regrets? They tend to come from the things we didn’t do. Not the things we failed or thrived at. 

Final Thoughts: 30 Is Just a Number

You don’t wake up on your 30th birthday suddenly wise, rich, and settled. Every age brings new lessons, challenges, and opportunities—some we can’t predict, and some we may not even want.

There’s no deadline for happiness, success, or fulfillment. You get to define what those things mean for you, today—not tomorrow, not next year, but right now. As the slightly grim saying goes, “You might not wake up tomorrow, so what will you do today?”

30 isn’t the finish line—it’s just another milestone in your journey. So let’s stop measuring our worth by what society tells us we should have by now. Instead, let’s celebrate the fact that we’re figuring it all out on our own terms, at our own pace. The checklist shouldn’t be the goal—feeling fulfilled should be. And the beautiful part? You can decide that today, no matter how old you are. 

SO, if you’re feeling behind—breathe.

You’re not behind. You’re just on your own timeline. Here’s to releasing the pressure, chasing what lights you up, redefining success, and living this wild, unpredictable, beautiful life.

A x