Dating in 2024 isn’t just tricky—it’s downright exhausting.
I know this because I’ve lived it (well, living it). From the agony of trying to pick the right profile photo to reading way too much into every “haha” in a text (wait, is that a genuine laugh or a "I’m no longer interested in this conversation"?). It feels less like finding love and more like chasing fireflies—pretty and magical in theory, but always just out of reach. I end up choosing to spend time with the fictional men in my novels instead of replying to any of my messages from real men.
If you’re diving into this chaos for the first time, don’t worry—I’ve got you. And if you’ve been blissfully coupled up for years, let me catch you up: dating today is basically a digital free-for-all, where the rules make no sense, the people are unpredictable, and the end goal is often… well, underwhelming.
To help make sense of this modern madness, I’ve decided to break it down into simple steps. Consider this your crash course in dating: the highs, the lows, and the moments when you question your life choices... preferably with a glass of wine in hand.
Step 1: Download a Dating App (or All of Them)
Your journey begins with a trip to the App Store, where you choose from the Big Three: Tinder (for chaos), Bumble (for pretending you’re empowered), and Hinge (for people who say they want something serious but ghost anyway). For variety, you could always download all three.
Of course, there’s always that one friend who insists, “Just meet people in real life.” Right, Karen, I’ll definitely go ahead and hand my number to the sketchy guy at the bar who opens with, “How you doin', love?” while giving me a full-body scan.
Step 2: Curate the Illusion of You
Now it’s time to create your profile—a delicate art that involves choosing 6–8 photos where you look like the most flawless version of yourself. Airbrush those dark circles, crop out any exes (or questionable backgrounds), and definitely skip the one where you’re in your Thursday commute home, dead-eyed and clutching a half-eaten sandwich.
You’ll also need to write a bio. The key is to say just enough to seem intriguing but not so much that you come off like you’re writing your autobiography. God forbid you actually say what you're looking for—because apparently, nobody does that.
Step 3: Judge a Bunch of Strangers in 0.2 Seconds
Here’s where things get spicy: the swiping. You’ll be wildly judgmental of complete strangers based on things like their job (“Professional gamer? No thanks”), their height (“Six-foot minimum club”), or their photo choices (“Why is he wearing sunglasses in every photo?”).
You’ll also encounter bios that make you question humanity. My personal favourite: “Is this a candy store? Because all I see are snacks and I don’t know which one to choose.” And who said romance was dead?
Step 4: Send a Message (and Brace for Silence)
Congratulations! You’ve matched with someone. Now comes the hard part: actually messaging them. You shoot off a casual “Hey,” only to hear… absolutely nothing.
And then there are the ones you do reply to... only to end up ghosting them later. Yes, we’ve all dabbled in the fine art of ghosting—especially in a city like London. Out of the few you actually respond to, maybe one or two turn into a date. And of course, you probably cancel those because, let’s face it, meeting a stranger is terrifying, and you'd rather stay in your pyjamas with a tub of ice cream.
Step 5: Preparing for the Date (If You Make It That Far)
So, you've actually made it to the first date. Congrats! Now comes the two-hour prep session where you agonise over what to wear—jeans feel too laid-back, but a dress might be a bit much. You take a quick gin to calm your nerves, all while contemplating cancelling, oh, about five times.
Finally, you leave the house, and when your date shows up, there's that awkward hug—a weird half-pat, half-hover situation—and you pray they don’t look too different from their profile pictures. Spoiler alert: they probably do.
Step 6: Survive the Date
You sit down and launch into the standard first-date script:
“What do you do for work?” (Hope you’re ready to fake enthusiasm about their career in “accounting”)
“Where are you from originally?” (Prepare to nod like you know exactly where that town or country is)
“What do you do in your spare time?” (Get ready to explain how you “love the gym” when in reality, you spend your evenings reading in bed).
By drink two, you’re already weighing your exit strategy. Red flags start popping up like ads on a dodgy website: they think “Netflix and chill” is an appropriate second date, or they say something alarming like, “I don’t really read books.”
Step 7: Go Home and Delete the App
The date ends with an awkward goodbye and a half-hearted “We should do this again.” Deep down, you know you won’t. You head home, recount the evening’s disaster to your friends via voice message, and promptly delete the app out of sheer frustration.
Of course, the cycle will start again in about two days, because hope springs eternal—or maybe you just really hate watching The Holiday without someone to cuddle.
So, Why Do We Keep Doing This?
Despite the chaos, the ghosting, and the existential crisis that comes with modern dating, we keep at it. Why? Because, every now and then, between the endless swipes and awkward small talk, you stumble across someone who makes it all worth it. Or, at the very least, gives you a funny story for your friends.
Dating in 2024 may be a train wreck, but hey, at least we’ve got front row seats.
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